Seven Steps to Safe Touching
Touching can be scary, like reaching into a bee hive to get the sweet honey within.
These steps create safety in all relationships, and was derived from a system of what works for babies and all other ages.
It is my 22nd week of pregnancy. I am in the so-called "sweet spot" of the 38-40 or so weeks, peacefully cushioned in the comforts of my second trimester, approaching the nearing third trimester with vague apprehension. I have begun to look at this pregnancy as a death, of sorts. Rather, I am experiencing this pregnancy as a dying process, a deep letting go. For during the dying process, if one is so blessed to be conscious that one is actually in the dying process, one will experience varying layers of denial, pain, rejection, anger, grief, surrender, acceptance, gratitude, appreciation, consciousness, wisdom, and love.
It is my experience that it is possible to "die" multiple times in one lifetime. For these so-called "deaths" are not cold, hard eternally dead bodies of rot. Death, either during one’s lifetime or from one lifetime to the next, is simply the step that must occur for the next cycle of rebirth. The "Tibetan Book of the Dead" and many other spiritual texts make it a point to encourage one to die in a conscious way. For if one dies in a conscious way, one has the opportunity to wisely choose the next cycle of existence.
I have found that in my lifetime as "Destiny", I have already experienced quite a few different "lives"– from embryo to baby, from baby to child, from child to adolescent, from adolescent to maiden, and now I currently in transition from maiden to mother. Each period of death to rebirth up to this point has been relatively unconscious, meaning change seemed to "just happen to me." Although I recall vast amounts of pain, anger, grief, and eventually, the subtle tinge of acceptance, I still happened to unconsciously play out the societal roles of baby, child, adolescent, and maiden in my life.
Before this pregnancy, I never before realized the potential power in mastering one’s cyclical existence. The power lies within repetition; it is through repetition that one has the opportunity to experience a taste of that which never changes, the soul’s essence. When one begins to experience the soul’s essence, that which never changes, the changes of life, even from one life into the next, lose the negative charge. Fear vanishes. Trust emerges.
In this journey, I have documented these repeating patterns, calling them beliefs. I recognize that I am not that which changes, although everything in this reality does change. I am not what I believe, for this is mutable. I am not how I react, as this is mutable. I am not who I think I am, for this also frequently changes. I am the essence. I am the one who creates the change, who creates this reality. In a sense, I am completely unknowable, for I am the experience of life and the experiencer of life.
Not to say that I am the only one, although I am only one. I am one with the pulsing heart of the Earth and all of the beings residing here, although I often forget this as I continually struggle to find peace within humanity and watch as my limited beliefs of what is right and wrong shape my experience of duality. I continue to watch as I believe I am a victim of duality and eternally search for an escape away from duality into "Oneness Consciousness", pleading with God for the key.
There is no escape. One must experience death to experience a life that is filled with Truth, Self, God, Love, Purpose, and Peace. The key is that death happens multiple times during one lifetime. The trick is becoming aware of each new cycle of death, as it is occurring.
These cycles can also be called "transitions". Look into your own life story and take note as to where you have experienced a transition from one identity to another. This could be from dependant adolencent to independant young adult, from married housewife to divorced entrpenuer, from student to world traveler, from bachelor to husband, or from maiden to mother.
1. Observe how you handled your most recent transition, the process of "death into rebirth"-- How did you chose (even if unconsciously) to recreate your identity?
2. Look at your life now. Are you currently in transition?
3. How does it feel to acknowledge you are letting go to something greater than the idea of yourself?
4. What are you trying to hold onto? Are you sure you want to hold onto that?
5. Can you acknowledge that the holding is an unconscious reaction to fear of the unknown?
5. Who would you like to be in this next phase of life, knowing that it,too, shall pass?
6. Is it worth the risk? What is the risk?
7. Are you ready to move through your fears to risk being yourself more fully?
8. Who are you recreating yourself to be? What are you letting go of? What aspects of Self are you stepping more into?
Thank you for reading, participating, and giving yourself the opportunity of conscious recreation of Self-- truly taking a step towards greater Self-mastery and becoming more intimate/more connected with life.
If you are interested in setting up your complimentary introductory coaching session, please contact us here.
Blessing to you,
Copyright 2013 Destiny White (all rights reserved)
Please obtain written permission for reproduction of this material in any way by contacting Destiny White directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. Thank you.
12 Steps to Intimacy (and ultimately, to freedom, love, connection, and a truly satisfying life)
First and foremost, intimacy begins as the relationship you have with yourself. Referencing the image to the left, the human Chakra system, the system of energy in which our entire reality is experienced, imagine the red ball of light is this relationship with yourself. This red ball of light is your foundation. Without proper functioning in this energetic center, no other center of energy will function to its full capacity, thus leaving the individual feeling incomplete, confused, unclear, guarded, unworthy, insecure, judgmental, with an insatiable craving to be loved. When the foundation of self-intimacy is not established properly, it is impossible to have authentic connection with any other being. When the foundation is functioning properly, the individual will feel at home, secure, in love with life, trusting, open, allowing, in flow, and confident. It is from this place of connection to self that one is able to begin to function in relationship in a way that feels fulfilling (whether this relationship be a partnership, a friendship, within community, or globally).
The foundation of self-intimacy begins in early childhood. We can define self-intimacy as the "knowing, accepting, and unconditional loving of oneself." The way one relates to oneself, to others, and to the world is established through early childhood imprints from the family of origin. Thinking back to your own childhood and your relationship with your family of origin, do you remember a sense of total acceptance, of unconditional love, of clear communication, of a sense of worth, of trust, of belonging, and of safety? If any of these aspects are missing, it is likely that you developed unconscious (and untrue) beliefs about yourself that have created unlovable, disconnected, and painful patterns that have been playing themselves out for the duration of your life. It is likely that you have been attracting people and circumstances to your life that "prove" you are unlovable, unworthy, incapable, insecure, unloving, that you don't belong here, that something's wrong with you, or otherwise. If you have any feelings of disconnection or feelings of not being loved, it is time that you put a stop to these destructive and painful patterns.
Destructive and painful patterns are the result of completely unconscious beliefs. To begin mastering your own life, fulfilling your destiny, and living a life that feels wonderful, you must begin to notice any and all beliefs that are causing you disconnection and suffering. By doing so, you begin to allow your hopes and dreams the space to manifest in your life.
1. Identify: What is it I am longing for? (Summarize into key words. For example: connection, trust, appreciation, to feel welcome, for more touch, etc)
2. Acknowledge: What is alive in me now? (What am I feeling, thinking, and what story am I telling myself?)
3. Observe: What am I believing that is in the way of fulfilling my longing? (List everything you are believing about this situation. For example: You are ignoring me. You must not really love me. There is something wrong with me. This always happens. etc.)
4. Admit: How does this belief make me feel? (Tap into your body. What is your body feeling? For example: Contacted, explosive, sad, heavy, depressed, helpless, hopeless, fearful, etc.)
5. Identify: What would be possible if I could release this belief? (Imagine the best scenario possible! For example: Life would be incredible! I would love getting out of bed in the morning. My business would thrive. I would be completely satisfied. I would love myself. I would trust him/her. etc.)
6. Acknowledge: Is this belief causing suffering in my life? (Be honest with yourself.)
7. Observe: Looking at the timeline of my life can I recall when this belief was created? (Everything that you are feeling now (contracted, disconnected, small, helpless, unlovable), trace it back and find all of the times you felt this way. Can you remember the first time? It might not be an actual memory. A teacher of mine, Shaman Bob, says that early childhood pre-verbal memories are more of a felt sense, and left unconscious, often lead to feelings of confusion in adult life.)
8. Admit: Can I see how this unconscious belief has played itself out throughout my entire life story? (Can you see the pattern that's been so cleverly created?)
9. Identify: Who would I be if I released this belief? (Your true self, of course! Who is this? For example: I would be trusting. I would be free. I would be lovable. I would be accepted and accepting. Etc)
10. Acknowledge: Am I ready now to become responsible for my life? (Of course you are!)
11. Observe: Who am I now, without this belief? (Feel yourself as FINALLY FREE FROM THIS UNCONSCIOUS PATTERN OF SUFFERING! Who are you now? For example: I am free! I am connected. I am in the flow of goodness. All is well. I am confident and competent. etc.)
12. Identify: Can I trust myself? Do I love myself? Do I feel capable? Is it possible? etc. (If not, repeat these steps. If so, continue identifying who I am now without these beliefs. Affirm what is true about you in your daily actions. Take action to love yourself, to do and say what feels good and connected to life. Take responsibility now for your own life. You are creating your story. It is from this place of self-intimacy that all things are possible.)
Please contact us to set up your complimentary introductory coaching session. We offer accountability, which is incredibly powerful on the path of self-discovery.
Copyright 2013 Destiny White (all rights reserved)
Please obtain written permission to copy or recreate this model in anyway by contacting Destiny White directly at email@example.com. Thank you.
*This model (IAOA) was developed by Destiny White, inspired by years of self-observance, and by the ideas and influence of a few great teachers and healers, including Love Coach Scott Catamas, Shaman Bob and Trish, Louise L. Hay, Andrew Jones, and Norma Burton.