It is my 22nd week of pregnancy. I am in the so-called "sweet spot" of the 38-40 or so weeks, peacefully cushioned in the comforts of my second trimester, approaching the nearing third trimester with vague apprehension. I have begun to look at this pregnancy as a death, of sorts. Rather, I am experiencing this pregnancy as a dying process, a deep letting go. For during the dying process, if one is so blessed to be conscious that one is actually in the dying process, one will experience varying layers of denial, pain, rejection, anger, grief, surrender, acceptance, gratitude, appreciation, consciousness, wisdom, and love.
It is my experience that it is possible to "die" multiple times in one lifetime. For these so-called "deaths" are not cold, hard eternally dead bodies of rot. Death, either during one’s lifetime or from one lifetime to the next, is simply the step that must occur for the next cycle of rebirth. The "Tibetan Book of the Dead" and many other spiritual texts make it a point to encourage one to die in a conscious way. For if one dies in a conscious way, one has the opportunity to wisely choose the next cycle of existence.
I have found that in my lifetime as "Destiny", I have already experienced quite a few different "lives"– from embryo to baby, from baby to child, from child to adolescent, from adolescent to maiden, and now I currently in transition from maiden to mother. Each period of death to rebirth up to this point has been relatively unconscious, meaning change seemed to "just happen to me." Although I recall vast amounts of pain, anger, grief, and eventually, the subtle tinge of acceptance, I still happened to unconsciously play out the societal roles of baby, child, adolescent, and maiden in my life.
Before this pregnancy, I never before realized the potential power in mastering one’s cyclical existence. The power lies within repetition; it is through repetition that one has the opportunity to experience a taste of that which never changes, the soul’s essence. When one begins to experience the soul’s essence, that which never changes, the changes of life, even from one life into the next, lose the negative charge. Fear vanishes. Trust emerges.
In this journey, I have documented these repeating patterns, calling them beliefs. I recognize that I am not that which changes, although everything in this reality does change. I am not what I believe, for this is mutable. I am not how I react, as this is mutable. I am not who I think I am, for this also frequently changes. I am the essence. I am the one who creates the change, who creates this reality. In a sense, I am completely unknowable, for I am the experience of life and the experiencer of life.
Not to say that I am the only one, although I am only one. I am one with the pulsing heart of the Earth and all of the beings residing here, although I often forget this as I continually struggle to find peace within humanity and watch as my limited beliefs of what is right and wrong shape my experience of duality. I continue to watch as I believe I am a victim of duality and eternally search for an escape away from duality into "Oneness Consciousness", pleading with God for the key.
There is no escape. One must experience death to experience a life that is filled with Truth, Self, God, Love, Purpose, and Peace. The key is that death happens multiple times during one lifetime. The trick is becoming aware of each new cycle of death, as it is occurring.
These cycles can also be called "transitions". Look into your own life story and take note as to where you have experienced a transition from one identity to another. This could be from dependant adolencent to independant young adult, from married housewife to divorced entrpenuer, from student to world traveler, from bachelor to husband, or from maiden to mother.
1. Observe how you handled your most recent transition, the process of "death into rebirth"-- How did you chose (even if unconsciously) to recreate your identity?
2. Look at your life now. Are you currently in transition?
3. How does it feel to acknowledge you are letting go to something greater than the idea of yourself?
4. What are you trying to hold onto? Are you sure you want to hold onto that?
5. Can you acknowledge that the holding is an unconscious reaction to fear of the unknown?
5. Who would you like to be in this next phase of life, knowing that it,too, shall pass?
6. Is it worth the risk? What is the risk?
7. Are you ready to move through your fears to risk being yourself more fully?
8. Who are you recreating yourself to be? What are you letting go of? What aspects of Self are you stepping more into?
Thank you for reading, participating, and giving yourself the opportunity of conscious recreation of Self-- truly taking a step towards greater Self-mastery and becoming more intimate/more connected with life.
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Blessing to you,
Copyright 2013 Destiny White (all rights reserved)
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